Youth Ministry Is Relational, but what does that mean? Have you ever wondered how to maximize relational opportunities in youth ministry? That's exactly what Zac and Chad are unpacking in this episode.
Chil or No-Bean Chili?
We kick off the show with some winter joys and a feel-good chat about all things chili. There's even a bit of a friendly debate on Wolf Brand chili and I share the recipe for my favorite homemade version. Chad's friend eating it cold is a monster by the way!
Youth Ministry's Greatest Leverage = Relationships
As we shift gears, we dive deep into the world of youth ministry and the unique relational opportunities it offers.
But How?
We share our insights on how to best utilize these opportunities, emphasizing the importance of setting aside time before services to build connections with students and leaders. We explore the various activities that can foster stronger relationships, such as pre-gathering activities and casual chat spaces.
Consider the potential of high school and older student leaders leading these activities and how an inviting atmosphere can be created at the door with clear expectations set for adults.
It's almost a new year friends, so buckle up and get ready to hear some real-life strategies that have transformed our youth ministry experience. It's an important time for thinking relationally about your youth ministry.
Youth Ministry Is Relational, but what does that mean? Have you ever wondered how to maximize relational opportunities in youth ministry? That's exactly what Zac and Chad are unpacking in this episode.
Chil or No-Bean Chili?
We kick off the show with some winter joys and a feel-good chat about all things chili. There's even a bit of a friendly debate on Wolf Brand chili and I share the recipe for my favorite homemade version. Chad's friend eating it cold is a monster by the way!
Youth Ministry's Greatest Leverage = Relationships
As we shift gears, we dive deep into the world of youth ministry and the unique relational opportunities it offers.
But How?
We share our insights on how to best utilize these opportunities, emphasizing the importance of setting aside time before services to build connections with students and leaders. We explore the various activities that can foster stronger relationships, such as pre-gathering activities and casual chat spaces.
Consider the potential of high school and older student leaders leading these activities and how an inviting atmosphere can be created at the door with clear expectations set for adults.
It's almost a new year friends, so buckle up and get ready to hear some real-life strategies that have transformed our youth ministry experience. It's an important time for thinking relationally about your youth ministry.
a snack, hey, and we're back with another episode of the youth ministry booster podcast. Hangout in the garage. My name is Zach working. This is my best friend. I'm Chad Higgins. Hey, buddy, how are you welcome to the ice cave. So buddy wrote in and said it looks like y'all are hanging out and like the fortress of solitude and I just want to show. I want to show some appreciation for the you know, the old DC comics, superman.
Speaker 2:Superman, yeah, I don't know if that was like intentionally a dig, but I'm gonna celebrate it. I'm gonna celebrate it. So it is chillier now. We do record from the garage. So the, the hoodie and an over shirt are not just for fashion, they're also for function. It's chilly out here. I prefer the winter over the summer months of recording fair enough by, but much rather layer up than shed down.
Speaker 1:Oh, I much rather just be cold than be hot.
Speaker 2:Yeah, all these always. There's so many more cool jackets that we could just put on and wear, so, yeah, so for anybody that's watching backlogs of episodes, they're like man, look all the changing clothes, it's, it's happening. It's happening because it's happening in real time.
Speaker 1:So we're all people one of the other things about colder weather that I thoroughly enjoy is the food that comes along with it.
Speaker 2:Super good crock pot. Is there anything better than warm soup, belly, warm chili, belly, warm chili, belly? Oh indeed. I'm chili belly that's. Forget the turkey, forget the ham. I'm here for warm chili.
Speaker 1:All right, so let's, let's just start this episode off in controversy.
Speaker 2:Oh it's good, divide the room. You're gonna go ahead and divide the room, are?
Speaker 1:you a beans or no beans chili guy beans.
Speaker 2:I'll say it. I'll say it to the whole. I'll say it to the whole room it's beans. It's the best possible thing, apart from cheese and mustard you could put on chili.
Speaker 1:Why do you have to put mustard on?
Speaker 2:Literally everything you do when you talking about mustard's delicious, it's low calorie, it's natural, it's in the Bible mustard's amazing like. Let your faith grow. I.
Speaker 1:Mean Jesus's representation of mustard is in a small amount.
Speaker 2:So mighty. Right, it's such a mighty flavor, just let it cut through. No, I beans on chili for me, and typically I'm just here for the wolf brand, like, keep it simple, no, no.
Speaker 1:I'm done. What camera do?
Speaker 2:I look at for a new hope, like hey, make sure to reach out to me.
Speaker 1:You can contact me at Chad higgins at lifewaycom.
Speaker 2:That is my real email.
Speaker 1:I am currently looking for a new.
Speaker 2:Cameras on me.
Speaker 1:Where do I look? I need someone different to set in this chair. I'm gonna need somebody with a little bit of knowledge and how to work the board, because I have no idea. But we have a good time. We have a good time and bean-free chili.
Speaker 2:What do you do? What's okay If it's not beans, cheese, mustard and wolf brand? And what is the Higgins house doing that's so superior in their chili? Okay?
Speaker 1:I'm fine with beans, okay, okay, um, now perfect, like if I'm going like old school, if I want like authentic chili, then yes, I believe it's no beans, okay, being a guy in South, close to Texas, I can respect that the bean-free chili is a vintage pick, but a personal pick.
Speaker 2:I think it would be Okay. So, vintage chili, no beans, but I like you do it.
Speaker 1:What are you doing? I like a good like chili bean in my chili, but I'm definitely not going mustard. Oh, he's the best I want. So I am the sour cream guy.
Speaker 2:Okay, okay, little baked potato bar. I like potato bar. Slice that bad boy, open chili up. Them taters, but you can't.
Speaker 1:You cannot even say that, like when you're thinking about chili, that Wolf brand is like an acceptable I didn't say it's the best, but in our household that's what we go.
Speaker 2:it's a comfort food. It's like the flavors of Wolf brand. Bring me comfort, comfort food Bring me comfort Wolf brand.
Speaker 1:chili is what I imagined me like surviving on in the apocalypse.
Speaker 2:It's the end of the world. Yeah, like me and my literal hunting wolf and my Wolf brand, chili. That's fine. Okay, I gotta tell this story.
Speaker 1:Whether or not I should like release names or not, I don't know. I have a friend who once came over to my house and he was like you have anything to eat? And I was like, yeah, go help yourself, there's a kitchen.
Speaker 2:The stuff in the pantry. Yeah, I'm not gonna cook you something, you know what I mean. But help yourself or rustle up whatever you can find.
Speaker 1:Anything you want in there and we just grocery. There are enough options for sure. He went into our pantry. Okay, he comes back into the living room. I think I'm watching like Red Sox game or something. He comes back into my living room Wolf brand chili can in hand. Okay, he went full can, but he's eating it cold. Oh, like cold out the can chili. Yes, I'm like. What kind of hobo are you?
Speaker 2:You name this person and we post their photo online. Where is Drew?
Speaker 1:You know who you are.
Speaker 2:Oh, no, drew, gross, gross, yeah that. Oh, was he okay? I mean, was he going through a rough time? Maybe, maybe, okay. But, hashtag pray for Drew. Right, like he put it in a bowl and warming up, yeah, like there's a microwave. I mean cold, not even like it was like prepared. Oh, I can't even imagine Just spooning it.
Speaker 1:I can't imagine.
Speaker 2:A scenario it's not even cold, it's room temp chili. Oh, that feels worse. And then, when I brought it, up.
Speaker 1:He acted like you were the guilty party, like what do you mean? Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2:Dude, that's like that is like.
Speaker 1:Honestly, I'll be honest, I think that is a label on the outside of the can, away from just straight up eating dog food.
Speaker 2:That's an easy late night pantry confusion where you ate kibble. I mean that is legitimately.
Speaker 1:And I don't think you would know until the next morning.
Speaker 2:I don't know if room temp chili versus dog food is discernible.
Speaker 1:That's a student ministry game, though that people would do back in the 90s, that is actually the 90s as a meme.
Speaker 2:Yeah, which can is, it doesn't matter. We're going to play the game Like bring your canned food drive. Oops, somebody brought dog food. Congratulations, we got a game going.
Speaker 1:I've never almost kicked somebody out of my house or like yeah, like he wants to come over again.
Speaker 2:What was he? Do you ever go to his house and have snacks? Cause that's just terrifying, I'm afraid.
Speaker 2:I'm afraid of what it might be Well, speaking of things we take for granted. So we're going to spend the next few episodes If you're jumping in a series talking about relationships. One of the things that I think for a lot of folks maybe they're doing wrong like room temperature, chili, and didn't even know it is the relational opportunities that happen when we gather weekly. I think every youth ministry of folks that we work with and talk to there's some kind of weekly gathering, whether it's like the weekend, sunday, midweek. It's good for us to be in the habit of meeting together, but there I think, in the places that we've visited and the folks that we've talked to, some missed opportunities or some low hanging fruit, either for you, youth minister, or some of your volunteers, to make relational connections throughout what you're doing beyond the just like planned.
Speaker 2:Hey, we're going to have small group of relationship, relationship connection time. I think there's a lot of ministries, more than we care to admit, that a lot of their relationship time happens when it's planned and we don't always know what to look for in some of these other moments. So, chad, walk us through some of the things we were talking before the show started about seeing with fresh eyes. I think that's one of the things we've got to see relational opportunities with fresh eyes, because some of us have been in it so long, the things that were obvious are no longer obvious to us, and so therefore we can't always help our leaders or our leadership students.
Speaker 1:So the first thing and a lot of this episode, just to like bring it in, I think we talk about the normal Wednesday night.
Speaker 2:Yeah, your midweek hang or Sunday hang or whatever. The youth time is your big gathering.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah. One of the things that I would point out first and foremost, that I think many of us can get into the bad habit of, is still working on the ministry close to the time of start.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:Like if you're still setting up and getting ready and getting the game ready.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You have students there that are also not like worker students, right, that maybe aren't on your leadership team. That you needed them to come in early. I think that's a missed opportunity.
Speaker 2:You're cutting your own legs out because you're not giving yourself the bandwidth of when it could happen. Like you thought, 6.30 needs to be ready well before 6. Not 6.25.
Speaker 1:Well, and I think there's sometimes and there are hard decisions.
Speaker 2:Even the night before.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, there are hard decisions that have to be made because of the importance of relationship, and this one's gonna maybe step on some toes, okay, but I and I'm not saying that it's one way or another, hear me out on that but I definitely think it's something to consider. There are so many youth pastors that are also leading their own worship team, yeah, and that are having to do like sound guy preach or play in the band.
Speaker 1:I actually think that you are missing a lot of relational opportunity when students are gathering in your lobby hanging out time because you have those responsibilities, to the point that I would like if I were your family ministry person over. I would be asking that question to my student minister of going. Hey, I see your value in this.
Speaker 2:And I know I get most of the guys that are doing it enjoy doing it, or it's like a passion, or it's like a double dip of blessing and gifts.
Speaker 1:Well, and even the reality of the fact that you are the one leading it may make the quality much better. Sure, like you help make it better, but is what you're giving up for that time worth it?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And that's hard, that's a real question. And that's not an easy like you should or shouldn't do it Right, but you need to be thinking about. Like is me being in the band running this element beforehand when students are coming in? Like is that the best place for me?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Because the reality of it is this new students that come into that time. I've never, I've not seen statistics with student ministry. I know this to be true with adults and I assume there's at least ties or correlation. Before the first song ever even happens on a Sunday morning with adults, before the service even begins, if you're new to that church, you know whether or not you're planning on coming back, okay, before the service ever even starts.
Speaker 2:You're deciding before the sermon if we'll be back here and on.
Speaker 2:Correct, it's real, and I think the thing that I would wanna make sure and double down on is you can't be relational in the rooms that you're not in Sure Of your own effort. We'll talk about in a minute how that gets qualified later. And so one of the things that you may find is I love this worship team, I gotta spend time with them, and that's good and for the four to six of them that you spend a lot of time with, but if you're occupying yourself with that group of folks that are always occupied in that place, in that room, in that stage or environment, you are limiting your multiplying impact through other students or leaders that might be available. And again, yes, quality, always committed excellence. We're here for it, but maybe not every week. We have songs if they're not ready, or maybe we do a few less songs to have more time, or maybe trust that they will grow in their giftings or find extra help outside of yourself so you can be where you need to be, and that's our permission to share again.
Speaker 1:Well, and what I would say too is this and it gets to our next point is you can be in that space If you have system and structure and leaders prepared that you trust that can be in the rooms that you're not in. So you mentioned before the episode we were talking and I was kind of thinking through this for myself over the years of there are best places to even think through for your volunteer leaders like where do we wanna be in the room?
Speaker 2:And so when we talk about, relationship.
Speaker 1:I know everybody's room's different they have different things.
Speaker 2:Sometimes, when we say different rooms, it's just parts of the same room.
Speaker 1:Got it, got it, got it.
Speaker 2:So give me some most amazing hallway ever Give me some examples.
Speaker 1:When you're thinking through encouraging training leaders on a normal Wednesday night or Sunday for most student ministries, what would be places that you would encourage and how would you encourage those volunteer leaders?
Speaker 2:The first thing I would share is this is the best way to talk about how you're recruiting leaders for help. I think sometimes we just recruit leaders en masse to be in a room. I think there's two things to think about, like one, who are the leaders that we have or we are recruiting? And then part of recruiting them isn't just their assignment, middle school guys or high school girls or whatever the teaching, mentoring, like group, that you're gifting to them, but where's the best possible spot to connect with them? In the places that we have set up. If we have those places set up Like this is the okay.
Speaker 2:We have a youth space room. It's a classroom, it's a building, it's a gym, even if it's temporary, portable stuff that we have to set up and tear down every week. Where is the large group active thing, the basketball, the football, the gaga ball, like we gotta have something that's big and active for the students that really crave that. Where is the like intimate, connective thing? Where is the card game, the board game? Maybe it's like coloring sheets, or for some groups it may be like knitting or crocheting, like that's a thing like knitting circles. They're back man, it may not be your thing, but for somebody that might be a thing and for your students, where is the like conversation thing?
Speaker 2:Where's the table and the coffee? Where's the T bar? Where's the place people can sit and talk? Or where's the digital stuff? Where's the video games? Where's the I don't know the VR headset that everybody's laughing? Look at that guy. Whatever, like what are the different things that students could be possibly into or attached to? And then where are the leaders that could be a part of those things that are happening pre and this sounds like more work, because it is but these pre things, these gathered things in their own multiplicity, are the fun that we talked about a few episodes ago, but they're also the built in connection points for different kinds of leaders to connect with all kinds of students.
Speaker 1:Because you, back in the day, you would have like a person that was like over board games 100, and sometimes that was shift.
Speaker 2:But part of our pre-huddle was like who has what, and so, like, cameron was in charge of Giant Uno and Tiffany was in charge of the coffee bar. So there was a little bit of cross training between stuff. But we had the nine square, the video game wall, a couple big board games, we had the coffee bar, we had the couch area for like the kids that didn't know where else to go and we would just plant leaders there. They were our most like conversational and extroverted, that like kids coming in, so more than just greeters at the door, we had like plants in the room. And this might even extend for some of you.
Speaker 2:Like Matt'll have enough adult leaders for that. You might have enough high school or older student leaders for some of those things. And, man, what a gift for one of your gamer guys or girls to be in charge of running the impromptu Mario Kart tournament beforehand. Or what a way to get your athletes there If, like, hey, man, before we start tonight we're gonna do a little shoot around on basketball stuff and I'm gonna give whoever wins gotcha a gift card or whatever.
Speaker 2:So speaking specifically of students and relational that was but plans and purposes, like there are people that aren't just like in the room and we're hoping for the best. We are like training on, like no, no, no, no, you're set up here, giant UNO cards, and it's not just the game. You are like barking, calling, beckoning, like come play, we need two more, we need two more. And you make it that like intentionally a little bit, crank the volume, crank the dial to get them involved and connected.
Speaker 1:Well, so that was one of the things that we did with our leadership students is, we moved all adults away from the door.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay, A kid friendly door. I like that.
Speaker 1:So before we really started thinking through that of just like we had leaders there on Wednesday night, my leaders Just a crowd of adults and like teenagers in here.
Speaker 2:That's lands.
Speaker 1:Weird, isn't it? But if you don't, for a lot of adults, if you don't give them clear expectations of where they will, bunch yes yes.
Speaker 2:And so- the back of the room, the front of the house, wherever they can be with other adults.
Speaker 1:Well, so for my teams, what I saw is for a lot of adults that sign up to serve. If it's not clear, they believe that they've got to be doing something.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:And so we had a whole check-in process.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:So naturally they would roll into those roles.
Speaker 2:Because that was something to be done.
Speaker 1:It was something to be done right and so, or like I'm gonna work to Snack Shack or those kinds of things, and so they naturally fit themselves in, because they wanna do something.
Speaker 2:They don't wanna just come stand around.
Speaker 1:Because for most people they don't realize the benefit of the relational connection.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That doesn't specifically and not to be a gender thing, but specifically for a lot of guys.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:They're doers right. And so it's like I'm not gonna just walk around this room and randomly talk to kids.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, but it goes against everything else I've been trained against to do Just walk up and talk to random teenagers?
Speaker 1:Nope, not gonna do that.
Speaker 1:But in this environment we have a plan well, but when you can set them at the nine square and you're going, okay, I need you to police this game, yeah, but your main goal is not to police the game. Yeah, your main goal is to connect, to get to know students names, see the students that aren't connected and get them more connected and so you can have eyes around the room. If the big goals are, we want people, we want our students to be known and we want to be looking out for wall flowers.
Speaker 1:Yeah the other, the other side, and you mentioned extraverts. I Think you've got to be intentional to have enough introverted.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:Okay, also on your team that you're thinking through. Hey, you know, zack, yeah, and this is definitely not you, but let's imagine. Yeah you're the introvert. Now For me to just get to say to you hey, I don't need you to be the Barker, right? Hey, you're the best I know.
Speaker 1:Yeah at creating intentional, unique conversations with a small group. Yeah, can you be that? Have your you know eyes out for those students that they're a little nervous to be there. Make them feel welcome. Yeah, but it's good we moved all of our students to that welcome space. Yeah, front load the kids. The great thing about them is they're the opposite of adults. Okay, that they, if you don't give them a job, they will just hang.
Speaker 2:No, just hang. They're here to hang, which is a gift.
Speaker 1:It is a gift but making sure that they had unique roles in our check-in process.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Was so good because they brought a lot of energy to the front of, to the front of the check-in. Yeah it gave them Defined roles of you. You needed to make sure that all of these name tag things were handed out, all that kind of stuff that's easy to identify, easy to train on, and so those were.
Speaker 2:And I know for some folks listen, it sounds like a lot of work just to make a weekly gathering happen. It's not all gonna the change we made it once. I think the the little things as you're listening. If this is not a part of your rhythm to think through our Gathering up with your leaders before you start having enough bandwidth to rally and focus either that day or, you know, over a zoom call before or the Sunday, before the Wednesday. Everybody that's showing up should know their assignment to use the language. They should know that, like I'm here to show up and do this more than just the questions you send out, what's the space that I can occupy a part of our relational system to make those meaningful connections?
Speaker 1:Well, everybody wants to grow. Yes and nobody's willing to admit that. The structure you currently have is the number of students.
Speaker 2:The when you're at is perfectly suited for the structure you've created. We are, we fill spaces like one of the things that, the more we do this and we hear from folks people fill the Capacity, the relational or physical space and the ways in which it's designed, and so there may be a little work that we've got to do. Take it back a few notches to figure out what we Don't have or don't do that we might need to do and, as mechanical as that sounds, those are the moves, the thoughts and the stratagems it takes to make relational stuff happen and flourish and grow. It will feel organic, but there was a plan, there was always a plan, all right last relational space.
Speaker 1:So I want to talk about okay, and you know this is a sew box for me. Okay, it's coming, okay.
Speaker 2:Here it comes.
Speaker 1:I think, I think my observation over the years is far too many youth ministers are staying inside the room or inside their building At the end of the night. Yes, and I think you are missing an opportunity To relationally connect with moms and dads Out in the parking lot that are picking up their kids in the same.
Speaker 2:So I was about to say it earlier when you said front loading students on the Welcome team, I think you need to Load up you amazing relational adult leaders on the exit team, because the best thing that students wanna see when they show up is friendly faces. The best thing that parents wanna show up when they pick their kid up is adult faces. Oh, they were really well supervised. And here's the small group leader that was with my son or daughter, as opposed to, like they keep talking about, dan. I've never seen Dan. What's a Dan? But Dan's out in the parking lot. He's shaking hands Like that's the win for both the group, the ministry and especially you.
Speaker 2:I get it. You wanna get cleaned up, you wanna get out of there, or that one student has your attention, set an appointment for later. Don't miss those easy moments of a few minutes with parents that may or may not need you fully, but the awareness and the relationship building, because it's building. It takes time, it takes effort, it takes energy. Find yourself very visible in the exit strategy and not buried behind the sound board because there was a technical issue trying to fix it right now. It'll keep, but the parents coming and going to pick up their students will not maximize that moment 100%.
Speaker 1:And little secret along the way if you have an important announcement that you're trying to get out, you're not gonna hit every parent because you've got driving students and all that kind of stuff, but the flyer that you hand them to take home for every seventh grader, it's not going home.
Speaker 2:You just need to know that it's going Between the cushions of the couch.
Speaker 1:At best it's going back pocket of jeans getting washed Right washed, but if you're out there connecting with every parent, you can you're giving that parent, the flyer you are, your communication is so much better, I promise you.
Speaker 2:If you're trying to paper the neighborhood, paper it on the exit when they're coming, like that's the thing that you're throwing in the SUV window Like glue, a sucker to it, throw it in like let them have it, then Absolutely.
Speaker 1:Yeah, connect with mom and dad, let them see that, and that's great. Another great wisdom to Zach that you gave there is helping parents see the adults that you trust, because that's gonna be a big question for parents when they're dropping off their kid.
Speaker 2:Expand that trust Again. In the same way that you can only be relational yourself in the rooms you're in, the folks you trust can build trust in the rooms that you're not in, and that's actually how your ministry's gonna grow.
Speaker 1:One of the things that Zach and I talk about a lot that I think is really important if you hear nothing else from this episode For so many youth pastors, the reason that you're in this position, for so many of you all you are relationally bent For so many of your leaders, you like it, yeah, for so many of your.
Speaker 2:Against all odds. You like it.
Speaker 1:For so many of your leaders that are gonna come in. They're answering a call to serve. They may or may not understand how to do relationship well with students, and so helping them be set up for success is one of your primary roles in the way that you train and equip your leaders, and so don't take for an assumption that by throwing an adult leader into a room, they're gonna know what to do. Train them well to build the ministry that you wanna see happen. Aw, snap, okay, I'm gonna call you back. See you next time, bye, bye.
Speaker 2:Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye. Hey, thanks for the episode of the Youth Ministry Booster Podcast. We'd love to connect with you on the Instagram or the Facebook. You can follow us at Youth Ministry Booster. Send us your DMs, questions, thoughts or suggestions for future episodes. It's always good to hear from our friends and we love the ministry that you're doing and we're big fans of you and we love your leadership. Fans of you and your ministry.